The Chronicles of Hope Estheim
by TokyoJunk
Summary: Hope decides to record his thoughts in a diary. Slight one sided Hope/Everyone and by everyone I mostly mean Snow. Crack. Parody.
1. First Entry

Note: This is my first story for this fandom. I decided to try my hand at Hope! It's meant to be a sort of parody with a dash of teenage angst because let's face it, it's Hope.

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**First Entry**

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I've decided to keep a diary. Vanille said that sometimes, when your mind is running around with thoughts that trouble you and you don't really want to talk to anyone, writing said thoughts down can help sometimes. I hesitated at first, thinking 'Who has the time when you're a ticking time bomb?' and considering where this advice was coming from (a ditzy young girl who jumped up and down when given a gun with its safety off) the idea of toting around something full of my most personal thoughts seemed a bit dangerous. What if someone reads it? What if I lost it? It seemed a bit risky, but then I remembered I'm a teenage boy and risk is what us teens are all about if those teen pregnancy shows were anything to go by. I decided to give in or else I wouldn't be writing this on this ridiculously small Hello-Kitty note pad Vanille supplied for me in a pinch.

Anyway, I'm currently with Vanille while the rest of the group explores the now crystallized Lake Bresha. So far she's been nothing but trouble.

She throws herself at enemies without a single thought to caution. I'd like to figure out my Focus without you trying to play with a pack of wild pantherons thank you very much. I'm not a fighter and I don't pretend to be. I'd rather run away from a fight (counting I don't get winded or end up tripping over my own two feet to then get viciously mauled to death.) But I know I can't die. I have a mission and I'm determined to see it through to the end. I don't care what my Focus is at the moment though it would help to know it in order not to end up a Cie'th.

My mission is this: I'm going to kill Snow.

I know I'm only fourteen and look as though a strong wind could carry me on a good day, but I'm going to kill Snow.

He killed my mother or rather got her killed even though she volunteered to fight. What's the difference? Logic tells me that it wasn't his fault, that my mother knew what she was getting into so her death shouldn't be a surprise. But I'm not following logic. I'm being consumed by grief and my grief tells me that it doesn't matter what logic dictates, the result is still the same: I can't bring her back.

But _he's _still alive and I'm going to fix that.

I'm going to kill him. I know he's bigger and stronger, but I got something he'll never have. I have something that makes even the most stoic soldiers fall to their knees in defeat.

I have the power of cute.

I'm freaking adorable. No one can resist my dork like charms or my voice that manages to crack when I'm scared or going through puberty or the awkward sway I do when I'm waiting for the person in command of my party to do something other than run around looking for treasure spheres and ignoring the plot.

Others have tried to resist me and it resulted in casualties. I don't like to talk about it much. But I will say this: heads exploded like watermelons.

Snow's no different. He won't resist. He can't. Not when I give him my puppy dog eyes of sadness or my cute to the power of ten pout of doom.

He'll fall and I'll be there to watch him. Maybe I'll catch him if the idea of him crushing me weren't so frightening. But if I _had_ enough strength to catch him, I'd let him slip just to watch him fall again. Yeah, that's right. I'm _that _pissed.

Snow calls himself a hero. All I see is a coward running away from his problems.

At least I'm man enough to run_ into _them. Even if it ends up with me getting a piece of me chewed off (pantherons cubs are not to be played with I've learned).

I gotta go. Vanille is poking at a sleeping pantheron again. I'm afraid I'm all she's got in terms of a responsible adult right now.


	2. Second Entry

**Second Entry**

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Snow is delusional.

He swears he can save everyone, but all I see is a fool who can barely save himself.

Once we found his crystallized girlfriend –who by the way doesn't look any older than me, shouldn't there be laws protecting her against perverts like Snow?—he immediately started chipping away like that was going to help. She's made out of crystal. What are you going to do with her if you manage to break her free? She won't change back and she probably weighs a ton so carrying her around will only slow you down.

Lightning tried explaining this to him with a double donkey punch to the face.

Despite it, Snow kept going on. He said our Focus is to save Cocoon, but Lightning quickly reminded him that we're now enemies of Cocoon, so us saving it doesn't make any sense. I really wish we knew what our focus was. It doesn't seem fair that we're branded and given vague clues as to what our mission is. How are we going to get anything done if we're too busy chasing our tails in confusion? Not that I'm in a hurry to turn into a crystal. According to Lightning, her sister was dead. I asked her what makes her believe that and she said that no one's ever woken up. It's only a legend. Maybe she's right. Maybe it's all a bunch of fairy tales to ease those who are chosen. That way, they'll feel like they can work towards something worth fighting for, like eternal youth.

I asked Lightning what she thought of everything. Of us becoming l'Cie and the constant threat of us being captured, killed, or worse turned into monsters as we tried to piece together our vague Focus.

She looked at me and shrugged.

'We're screwed.' She said.

I don't want to die, but at the same time I don't want to become some monster.

I still have a mission to complete and I can't kill Snow if I end up a Cie'th. It just wouldn't be practical or productive. Can you imagine if the entire group turned? I'd be a monster with a grudge against another monster that looks like me. I'd have a hard time getting my revenge and probably end up clawing Sazh thinking he was Snow, and Snow would probably be growling and moaning somewhere because that's what Cie'th do since they don't do much else. That and walk slow. Maybe when he turns he'll still wear his stupid bandana. Yeah. I'm going to murder the Cei'th with the bandana.

Snow, your Cie'th days are numbered.

We left Snow behind. I pray he gets eaten by a pack of ravenous pantherons but I know that won't happen. Snow seems to infuriate my very being down to the last cell so it'd be my luck that he'll somehow survive and show up later with a military escort and a giant ship to back him up. Not that it would happen.

I gotta go. Lightning is glaring at me again and wants to know what I'm scribbling down.

This is our second break since leaving Snow behind and I can tell she's getting annoyed.

I'm fourteen so I'm not the lean, mean, killing machine she is. I only have the power of cute and a boomerang to save me. But give it time. I'll be strong and posing over Snow's corpse in no time.


	3. Third Entry

**Third Entry**

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She left me.

Lightning took off without a look back to see my hurt puppy dog expression.

She just left.

I don't know whether to be impressed or offended that she managed to overcome the power that I've dubbed cute.

But she's no different than the others. I know she'll fall given time.

I could stop writing and try to catch up with her. But I'm tired. My legs feel sore what from surviving an _airship crash _and being made to walk however many miles through this junk yard. I wish I were more like Lightning. She's headstrong and knows what she's doing. She went on a Purge train to save her sister. That takes a lot of bravery and nerve. She's not like me. I'm a coward. I'm afraid of getting hurt or worse, killed. I could never have her tenacity to keep going regardless of the consequences. Unlike me, she's strong and has somewhere to go. I can't go back home and I don't have anything to look forward to in the future besides trying to wipe any evidence of my involvement in Snow's murder. She wants to keep fighting despite having the equivalent of a shiny popsicle for a sister. I guess she doesn't want to end up like her or a Cie'th.

If I were Lightning I'd be able to do a lot of things, like kill Snow. I'd use my soldier training to kill him in a heartbeat. No, that's too generous. I'd probably do it slowly and make him suffer. I'd probably play with his emotions first, try to seduce him (not that I'm secretly attracted to Snow or anything. I'm really not). But the fact that Lightning looks legal enough to vote and buy alcohol might be a turn off to him. I have a better chance of seducing him now with my childish yet manly good looks. Scratch all of that. I don't want to seduce him. I'll kill him quickly and hope no one notices he's missing. He's huge and annoying so that might be a problem. Maybe I'll just take his bandana and wrap it around a chocobo's head and hope no one tries to talk to it.

It's getting cold around here and it's already pretty late. I wish I was in a nice warm bed. I can't just go home since I doubt I'll be welcomed. And it's not like I _want _to go home anyway. My dad probably wouldn't care either way. If anything he'll probably think everything that's happened so far –Mom's death, me becoming a l'Cie—is my fault. And maybe it is my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have bothered mom so much about taking me to Bodham to see the annual fireworks, maybe I should've listened to my gut feeling when we got to the lair of a fal'Cie and turned back instead of following Vanille in search of Snow. These are things I regret now and they're actions I can't take back and have to live with. Mom's gone, I'm a Pulse l'Cie, I have no clue what my Focus is, and I'm out for Snow's blood. This is my reality and there's nothing I can do now to change any of it.

I'm going to stop now. My legs feel a bit numb. Maybe I'll walk around a bit to get warmed up and then wait for Sazh and Vanille to catch up.


	4. Entries Four to Six

**Note: **I'm trying my best with this kid. I promise he's not _that_ crazy.

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**Fourth Entry**

I decided to join Lightning. After the conversation she had with Sazh I decided to join her. Fighting by her side meant fighting the Sanctum, fighting the Sanctum meant eventually confronting Snow. If I'm going to kill him then I'm going to need to get stronger. Lightning wanted me to stay behind with the others but I was adamant about joining her. I need to re-evaluate my goals. Before, I used to think I didn't have a purpose in all of this. I didn't have a future, I didn't want to go back to my past, and I had nothing to hold onto. I felt so lost.

But that's over now. I'm done looking at the bigger picture and anguishing on my fate with despair. Lightning showed me that as long as you have a target, you can keep on fighting. So I have a target and it's Snow. First, I'm going to get strong. Then I'm going to kill Snow. It'll be like an errand list: check the treasure sphere, fight some monsters, kill Snow, buy some components, drink a potion, kill Snow. As long as I treat it like a list of goals then I should be okay.

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**Fifth Entry**

She let me call her Light which is a good indication as any that she's slowly warming up to me. I wish I had a nickname to have her call me, but I don't think Hope _Snow Killer _Estheim is one. It's too long. We're going to Eden, but in order to get there we're going to have to go through the Gapra Whitewood and then to Palumpolum. I told her that once we reach my hometown, I can show her all the shortcuts to make our journey easier. It'll be like a date except we have killing people on our minds. We're not making any side trips, not that I care about going home. I doubt I'm welcomed there anyway.

Gotta go. Break time's over.

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**Sixth Entry**

This woman is trying to kill me.

I'm not cut out for this.

I can hold my own in a fight, but I'm not used to this. She yells at me a lot, snaps at me when I don't follow directions well, and ignores me when I try to talk to her.

But I'm going to break her down with the power of cute.

Once I stop wheezing and get the feeling back into my legs.


	5. Entries Seven to Nine

**Note: **I'm glad everyone's enjoying this so far!

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**Seventh Entry**

'You're a liability' she says.

'You'll slow me down' she says.

'You're a helpless kid' she says.

We'll see who's helpless when I turn the power of cute up to a hundred.

She won't see it coming. I'm going to be stubborn, annoying, and clingy with a pout and a sorry face to boot. I'm going to yell because that's what people do when they want others to agree with them.

I'll even add a 'trip helplessly to show how pathetic I am' to get the ball rolling.

Soon.

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**Eighth Entry**

She summoned an Eidolon.

I'm screwed.

* * *

**Ninth Entry**

I thought I was going to die, but Lightning came to my rescue. I helped her tame her Eidolon and afterwards I asked if I was really in her way, if I was just a burden to her. Then I pouted and looked sad because I actually _was _sad. I'm nothing but a worthless kid to her. I have nothing to contribute. I want to get strong, I want to be tough, and I want to show her that I can be reliable. That she can trust me and look at me as a comrade instead of some useless kid she has to take care of.

She must've sensed my dread and hopelessness because she said that she was going to toughen me up. With that said she turned to leave.

Then she stopped.

And apologized.

I didn't say anything as I followed her out because winners never gloat.

The power of cute knows no bounds.

She's officially mine.


	6. Tenth Entry

**Note:** So glad everyone's enjoying Hope. The power of his cute compels you to read on! Also thanks to everyone taking the time to read this! **  
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**Tenth Entry**

My stamina's getting better now. Not that it's a huge improvement from before, but I don't fall to the floor wheezing and begging for mercy anymore. My magic spells are getting better, stronger, and with that my nerve and confidence. I got to take point when we reached the Gapra Whitewood. I wanted to do it. If I want to become strong, I have to make important tactical decisions that may put our lives in danger due to my inflated teenage ego and ignorance.

I'm still learning.

I learned that you don't break into a run, yelling a battle cry while attacking an Alpha Behemoth. I learned two things. One, my boomerang is useless and two, Lightning kicks so much ass. Once it was defeated, I decided we should move on and find another one to fight. Sure, an Alpha Behemoth is strong enough to kill me in one hit or maim me by robbing me of my face if I barely manage to dodge its sharp claws, but I am the leader and what I say goes. Lightning has no choice but to follow because at the moment, you can't change party leader from the menu.

I also learned about Snow. He's engaged to Lightning's dead popsicle sister. I'm just shocked Snow got that far with Lightning as an older sister, but then again, her sister is a dead popsicle so it goes to show how much she cares about protecting her. She dislikes him as much as I do, but I hate him more because of the whole 'killing my mom' thing. Still, I can relate to her. She, like me, doesn't think much of Snow. In fact, Lightning was kind enough to give me her knife, a gift from her dead popsicle sister. She said I should use it to keep me safe. I took that to mean 'here, use it to kill Snow.' Lightning is so supportive.

I wonder how the others are doing. Sazh and Vanille are probably on the run like we are, but they're probably not trying to take down the Sanctum. I'm glad I followed Lightning. With her, I know I can get stronger. I know I can kill Snow. Speaking of which, I wonder what he's doing right now. Probably still trying to get his dead popsicle girlfriend out from the crystal. Or maybe he's been caught by some rouge military ship that won't kill him or maybe he's dead. He better not be dead. I still need him alive to kill him.

He's such a reckless guy. Lightning says his group, the one that shares my mother's name, NORA, is about no rules and no authority. People, young and old, flock to him without knowing what he's really about. They follow him blindly, as though he knows what he's doing. Don't they know he doesn't care about them? That he leads them into these impossible battles with little regard to their safety and lives? That he doesn't think twice about sacrificing them, that he's a wink and a smile away from turning his back on them and walking away as though their deaths didn't happen. What about them? What about the people who fight? Who sacrifice their lives? What about mom? What about her? Why doesn't he care? _**Why doesn't he act like he's sorry? **_Just thinking about his goofy smile makes my blood boil. What sort of hero turns his back on dying comrades and acts as though it was all a victory because he's the only one left standing?

I can't. I can't let him live. I can't, not when I know he's willing to sacrifice others in his stead. He's not a hero. He's scum. And I'm going to be the one to stop him from hurting anyone else.

Lightning is back and wants to know what we should do now.

We're going to fight. And I'm going to get stronger.

It's the only way.

To make Snow pay.

I just made that rhyme because I'm _serious _about this.

I'm practically a grown-up now.


	7. Eleventh Entry

**Eleventh Entry**

Lighting and I are partners now and because we're partners, I told her everything.

I told her how it was Snow's fault my mother got killed. How he just let her go, instead of saving her. It's his fault and he has to pay. He's probably the reason why Lightning's dead popsicle sister is the way she is. It's his fault that Lightning is now a l'Cie. Hell, while we're at it, let's blame world hunger and the spread of diseases on Snow too. He's the root of everyone's problems and I'm going to deliver a swift shank of justice and then run like hell before anyone realizes Snow's been stabbed. My revenge is the reason why I followed her in the first place. Lightning is strong and I want to be too. But I can't get stronger if I don't throw myself into the fight.

Lightning said that I have to control my emotions. Sympathy will only grant me defeat. She explained that I have to focus on my goal and shut out everything else. What she said makes sense. When I'm in the process of killing Snow, I can't let anything else distract me, like people screaming in horror or the sound of the cops coming. I can't let anything stand in my way and if I start to waver, then I have to suck it up and deal because only doubt will cripple me. I know taking revenge on Snow won't bring my mother back, but hearing an apology just won't cut it either. It won't erase my grief, it won't ease the pain. But killing Snow will give me something to replace the pain. It'll give me satisfaction because I feel like I _did _something about it. I took control over something that I didn't think I could control before and that means a lot, considering my current status as a l'Cie.

Lightning also said that it was the Sanctum that killed mom and not Snow. Who's side is she on anyway? Maybe she was right, and it was their fault, but they weren't the ones that let my mother fall. Snow got her killed and nothing's going to change that. And what's her problem anyway? Does she like Snow? Is she suddenly bailing out on me because I like to stare at a blade and daydream about it covered it Snow's blood? She's not supposed to show the sympathy she chastised me about earlier. She's supposed to hate Snow as much if not more than I do since he's engaged to her underage dead popsicle sister! What's there to like about him anyway? It's not like he has a rocking body and has the strength to punch a person's face off. Because he doesn't! And it's not like he's soft on the eyes with his handsome good looks and bad boy stubble because I hadn't noticed!

She says she's on the side of Truth.

Well, the truth is that Snow got my mother killed. The truth is going to set him free in the form of a blade to the chest…or neck…I still haven't decided yet, but when I do, it won't be pretty.


	8. Twelfth Entry

**Twelfth Entry**

I decided to name my mission to kill Snow Operation Nora. It makes sense since it's my mother's name. I know NORA is also the name of his stupid rebel group, but that's not important to me. What matters is that Snow will die knowing that Nora means more than just some stupid group of kids wielding guns. He'll die knowing it belonged to the most beautiful, awesome, and kickass mom in the universe. I'll make sure to carve it in his big broad chest in case he forgets.

We finally reached the outskirts of Palumpolum and Lightning thinks I should go see my dad. I don't want to, not when I know I won't be welcomed. I just want to bypass this place as soon as possible. Lightning says he deserves to know what happened to mom and I agree with her to a certain extent. I just don't want to be the one to deliver the news to him in person. Maybe I should just send him a post card? Not that it'll be easy. I mean, what can I say? I can write up one right now.

Hey Dad,

How are you? I'm not doing so well. I'm a l'Cie now and on the run. I'm traveling with a woman named Lighting. She's cool and mean at the same time. I like her and will probably marry her someday if we don't end up as Cie'th or become dead popsicle crystals like her sister. She has a sister…who is most likely dead. Guess the wedding party will be small. I hope to be taller than her by the wedding. If not, then I'm the one who's going to have to wear the dress. White is not my color. Will try to find something in a soft yellow or cream.

Never really liked you,  
Hope _Snow Killer _Estheim  
Ps. Mom died.  
Pps. I'm going to kill the man who did it with a _knife_.  
Ppps. I've officially changed my middle name to _Snow Killer_, hope you don't mind.

See? That was intense. Doesn't Lightning understand that I'm fourteen and full of angst? Communicating my feelings is HARD. But she told me that I had to go. That he's the only family I have left. She's right about him being the only thing left. At least he's alive and not dead somewhere as a popsicle crystal like her sister. But would he want me? I'm a l'Cie now and I doubt he'll be thrilled about mom being dead. He'll blame me for it. After all, it was my idea to go to Bodham to see the annual fireworks. I'm the reason mom's gone and he'll place all the blame on me. Maybe I shouldn't go. It'll be best for everyone involved that I don't.

I gotta go. Lightning's wondering why I'm taking so long to pee behind the bushes. I can't go with someone looking. I can't just pop a squat anywhere and go. I'm not Lightning.


	9. Entries thirteen to fifteen

**Thirteenth Entry**

I'm currently with Snow.

A lot of stuff happened so I've been pretty busy to write. But Lightning and I made it through the underground tunnels and into the city. I told her about Operation Nora and she told me to abandon it. She said that killing Snow won't change anything. Of course it won't! I know that. But if I don't have that mission in mind, then what am I living for? Killing Snow is not going to bring my mother back and it isn't going to change what happened, but it will give me some peace of mind instead of this hate that's currently bubbling inside me, ready to surface.

We eventually got caught and Snow and some strange woman came and saved us. Lightning threw me at him and told him to keep me safe and take me to home. Of all the people to leave me with, she leaves with the person I most hate. He took a good look at me and realized that I had changed. Of course I did. I had to change if I was going to be his killer. He said that I shouldn't be fighting, that fighting should be left up to the 'grown-ups'. Excuse me? _I have no choice._ I have to fight. I'm a l'Cie which is English for _screwed_. I asked him if it was stupid to fight. I mean, this is a man in charge of a group that all they do is fight so is it stupid to them? You know what he said to me?

'It is if you get yourself killed.'

I wished I'd latched onto his back and slit his throat right then and there. So my mom's stupid because she chose to fight and ended up getting killed? My mom was not stupid! She was brave, smart, and she was tough! She was everything Snow claims to be and isn't. She wasn't the coward he is and she wasn't a fool.

After he said that he smiled.

He _smiled_.

I'm going to make him smile even harder when I rip him some new lips with my blade.

Everything about him pisses me off.

He better watch his back.

* * *

**Fourteenth Entry**

Snow's on the phone.

When I got on, I told Lightning that I was going to go on with Operation Nora.

I don't know if she heard me since the phone was breaking up but I don't care. If I'm going to kill Snow, now would have to be the time. We're traveling alone, so no witnesses. I don't have to try hard to hide the body since no one's around to discover it. And my magic spells have gotten stronger.

Now is the time.

* * *

**Fifteenth Entry**

I couldn't do it.


	10. Sixteenth Entry

**Sixteenth Entry**

Operation Nora was a bust.

I had my moment and just when I gave into my rage and let Snow know why I hated him, just when I was going to deliver the final blow that would make him pay for the all pain he'd cause, I was knocked out by some explosion. When I came to I was surprised to see that he was carrying me on his back. I mean, I tried to kill him and he saved me. He said he was told to keep me safe, by both Lightning and my mom. He apologized for everything, even though he earlier said that all the apologies in the world wouldn't mean anything. He was wrong. I needed him to own up to what he did. Show some remorse and acknowledge the fact that he screwed up and cost my mother her life. I know he can't bring her back and a small part of me knew that killing Snow wasn't going to change anything either. But I needed him to stop running away from his guilt and face the consequences of his actions head on.

He gave me back Lightning's knife. There I was, riding on his back as he struggled under my ninety-eight pound manly frame, and he goes and gives me back the knife I meant to kill him with. Under those circumstances, you don't give the person who's trying to kill you their weapon back. But I guess he knew I wasn't going to slit his throat from behind or maybe he just didn't _care _and wanted me to do it to punish him for what he'd done. Regardless, I didn't kill him. All the rage I felt towards him, all that hate, was gone. If anything, I felt sorry for the guy for carrying around so much guilt and pretending he didn't have a problem in the world except obsessing over Lightning's dead popsicle sister.

Snow said that he would make it up to me. To give him time and if what he did didn't satisfy me then he would take whatever punishment I could dish out. I told him that it wasn't necessary. What can he do anyway? He could be my ride for life since piggyback rides are my preferred mode of travel anyway, but that's not going to cut it. Deep down, I just want him to take the blame. I told him that hurting him, killing him, was the drive that kept me fighting and now that I don't have that I just don't know what to do. He said I should keep going. Keep fighting even if my drive is my resentment towards him. I don't if I want to kill him anymore when he practically dragged himself on his hands and knees to carry me when I was perfectly capable of walking on my own. It was so sad it was almost cute (I said _almost _cute, because I don't like him like that since I really like girls.)

But he did give me a lot to think about in terms of what I'm living for now.

Lighting and the strange woman from before, Fang, came just in time to help me fight after we were ambushed. Snow was adamant on protecting me even when he got tossed back like a rag doll. That was cool of him even though he almost died.

But I decided something.

I won't let him die.

Not unless it's by my own hand.

Now that I think about it. Why shouldn't I keep going with Operation Nora? I know I told Lightning that it was over and gave back her knife (she hugged me [score!] and vowed to protect me. FYI I'm pretty sure this means we're totally dating now) but Snow would _want_ me to kill him. He did say he'd take _whatever _punishment I had for him. So in reality, I'm doing what Snow wants and its obvious that Snow wants me to kill him.

But I won't do it right now. I mean, he's like a sick puppy right now. I couldn't do that to him. I can't rob him of the chance to experience me trying to kill him. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't do what he obviously really wanted from me? I'll kill him later. Or maybe I shouldn't? I mean, maybe he'll do something to make it up to me? I should just kill him. I don't know. I'm very confused right now. I don't know what my purpose in life is anymore and I don't know whether I like Snow with or without his shirt open.

I gotta go. We stopped for a bit to let Snow rest. He's pretty beat up and though I did offer to heal him since my medic skills are up to par with the best of the best, Lightning frowned and said Snow needed to stop being a punk and to walk it off.


	11. Seventeenth Entry

**Seventeenth Entry**

I'm finally home.

I told Dad what happened. He's devastated of course, started crying. I didn't know what to say at that moment, so I just sat there awkwardly. I told him that we were going to leave as soon as we were rested up, but Dad got angry. He said l'Cie or not, this was my home and that he was going to support me no matter what I choose to do. I was actually surprised he still wanted me after everything. Thought he'd blame me for mom's death, but he didn't. He was just happy I was alive.

Snow's resting in the guest room. We got him properly patched up. Lightning said she'd watch him. I've been in there twice already to check on her, but really it was to see if she got ahead of me and went to finish the job and needed help getting rid of the body. Much to my surprise (and relief) Snow was alive and breathing. It's not that I don't mind Lightning killing him, but it would be best if I did the deed since Snow basically gave me first dibs to kill him off. I'd like to think that Snow believes in me and wants me to do my best. That and I think he believes in the power of friendship.

I managed to find a proper journal now. The hello-kitty one from before was too small and I was running out of pages. I transcribed my older stuff and as I was looking over them I couldn't help but see my own progress, my own growth as a person through this entire mess. It's funny. I looked at these things with a sort of fondness, like they were memories of my distant past and not say, recent horrific events that changed my life forever. Like, I'd read something and be all 'Oh hey, I remember when Lightning made me cry after calling me a wuss after I collapsed after two pushups. Good times.' And 'Man, look at how angry and full of hate I was. I wanted to kill Snow so bad, look at me write in a froth of rage.' You know, stuff like that is what makes me appreciate the man I am today at fourteen.

I gotta go. Fang said Snow's up. I want to say hi and give him tender 'I'm going to kill you later' looks as he begs my father for forgiveness.


End file.
